I committed a non-fatal error myself in my course of work.
It bugged my conscience no end because it could have been
a fatal mistake with dire consequences. In my line of work, it is
THIS easy to accidentally harm / kill someone under our care.
I had a few sleepless nights after that incident. I could have been
more careful but I was at the same time, resentful that I was made
to work in an area I was totally unfamiliar with and despite my
protests, no one bothered to rectify anything and, I was
overworked, tired, hungry (no breaks at all for me that day!
), frustrated, etc etc... and although I indicated that I
needed help, no help came. I was worried something bad would happen
cause I was working so fast, it was easy for a slip to occur... and
then, when something wrong happened, I was stunned. 
At the same time, so many things point to that
being an 'inevitable' error, almost.
There will be no solution to this problem, because the higher-up's
are still smiling and saying, ''We've functioned this way for the
past few decades, we don't see a need to change.'' and then it
becomes your own inefficiencies, your inadequacies, your
shortcomings and your own failure. 
Worse, in my line, everyone wants to 'look good' so they'll never
complain to the higher-up's. They'll just complain amongst
themselves but when asked, everyone paints a rosy picture because
no one wants to be thought of as 'incompetent'.
I've stuck out like a sore thumb from the very day I entered
Nursing School. There aren't many who share my trend of thought.
I've stood firm and refused to back down on my ideals and thoughts,
knowing that my experience in my previous jobs and my attachment in
the US tell me that they can work, but not in our local
context.
From a pro-active, Type 'A' person, I've become a Type 'C',
uninvolved, uninterested, unmotivated employee. My greatest desire
is to blend into the wallpaper so that I won't be 'targetted' by
the seniors. I shirk all after-work responsibilities that would
otherwise have been of interest to me - stuff like research and
presentations. I wanted to be 'low profile', to remain 'under the
radar' all these years and so, I slowly changed. 
And I realised that if I cannot change anything,
because the culture is so ingrained, then, one way to cope, is to
'shut off'. 
This nightmare is going to be over soon! Wheeeee!!! 
I can be free!!! Wooohooooo!!!
